Birds with twigs.

Deep down from the bottom of my heart I used to wish that I was small and ladylike. I always wanted to be one of those girls that slide around with birdlike bones and pale complexion and wrists like tiny twigs. Basically I've always wanted to have the appearance of a woman that's about to die from some disease. Tuberculosis would have been satisfactory. Heroin addiction even better.
Well, I'm not. I'm a big-boned Scandinavian with sturdy troll calves and horse-like hair. During the summer my face gets tanned like nobody's business and in winter my cheeks go rosy if someone mentions oxygen.
I once did the mistake of trying to buy clothes in Paris. I ended up trashing about in the changing room, looking like The Incredible Hulk. I can´t say that I felt at home in the land of the horribly petite women.

As I get older I get used to the fact that I'm not one of those bird women.
Nowadays I try to like myself the way I am. It's sometimes hard work since the world seems to focus on making girls feeling ugly and miserable. (Ok, now I'm almost close to the original point I had when I decided to write this post).

Here goes: Just as I'm about to accept that I'm allright and that I actually do look like I girl, something terrible happens.
It has been brought to my attention that I..... snore. I've been in denial for sometime now but after the seventy millionth time my boyfriend jabbed me in the ribs for snoring and keeping him awake, I had to do something about it. That's why a few days ago I lurched to the pharmacy and asked for snore medicine. It was a humiliating moment when I dragged myself on my troll legs to the counter and asked some young pharmacist for Snoreeze. A Medicine made for sailors and grizzly bears.